Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
