So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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