I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
