my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize