All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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