Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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