Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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