Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
