Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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