We're facebook friends in real life
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
