Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
