My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
