How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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