I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
