I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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