I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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