Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
