Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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