The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
