dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize