She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I have a black eye again and dont know why again