They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic