I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.