I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
