some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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