I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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