i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
