New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??