So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...