you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
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I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
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1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me