any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?