Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
