help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
