Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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