i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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