you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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