I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Oh god it's open bar.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
