Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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