Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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