wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
