so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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