Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
