Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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