Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
