yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
