Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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