He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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