I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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