Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
