Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
