you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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