R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he laminated a picture of his dick.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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