so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
