I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We just shotgunned beers for America
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
