you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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