I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
