That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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