I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
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He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
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I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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