I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
