Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
