I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
